Mobile compost...

"Na wa o! This one they don't want us to hear their voice today".

Opening the door, i struck a pose, hips forming a lustful crest of a curve- i do this all the time and it works.

"Uche"! bellowed Kufa."Uche! Anything for us"?

Changing my pose and further stepping into the office, my breathe caught. The cells of my nasal membrane darted in violent successions as they acted on common impulse. There was a stampede in my head.

Any attempt to talk or exhale would let the cells go bungee-jumping. Looking like i had just stepped into Dumbledore,i stood remote-controlled while Kufa's speech was a mixture of voiceless speeches and gesticulations-mor like an agitated monkey trying out Yahozee. With the speed of light i was at my desk still shaken from the encounter.

"What putrifying smell was that"? i bursted out quietly in exhaustion

Turning my head and positioning my jaw right and lwft, i made best attempts at re-assuring i wasnt the mobile compost. With 'Double-sure deodorant protection and a suffocating bath in numerous spritz of Escada, i couldn't possibly be the one... last sniffs and i was settled.

Didn't he have a nose? He sure didn't have a flu or nasal congestion. No wonder he was the only one in the office. Aboks and T2 must have bursted outa the office like a diver for a breathe of fresh air. Picking courage i walked back in and found the culprit....HIS SHOES!

It's a suicidal thing when one is in the line of setting off alarms and one can't hear any of them. It' like walking back-first into the high-way with ear-phone rammed into your ears. Apart from Kufa's practical instance, a lot of us set off alarms and walked away in ignorance from the stampede we've caused ... Kufa is sure walking away in his own. There are mobile accidents waiting for a park and victims.

If you haven't encountered any of these 'Mobile Compost',you dont leave on earth;

• Smelly arm-holes(Dripping with sweat)
• Smelly shoes
• Over-grown/Yellow coloured under-arm peeking out of the corners
• Body odour
• Tummy- wrenching mouth odour
• Smelly hair-Ladies...you dont have to wear your hair to gain value for y'money!
• Unkept locks- 'dredded locks'
• Snors
• Talkatives

These could go on and on. I don't pray anyone be a carrier of any of this cos one day,for fear of contaminating his sweet smelling sacrifices, God will send you to another planet...

'...AND WORK ENDS'.

At the close of work, I decided I wasn't going to remain lost in cyberspace anymore- I had to find myself, Jeez! Now I agree with the school of thought which pose the internet as an international 'distracter'. God! Two months and I can't account for spent!
My boss wasn't in but of course things didn't go amiss; Friday round-table held as usual but lasted longer than expected-to my annoyance. After it got too dark to leave, i worked my 'Yams' up and down the stairs while the lawyers worked up their 'graey' matters.
Three hours later, a brew of sounds indicated conclusion of the roundtable. Enibabs was on the wheels before her chair even realized she had got up, the ever radiant smile on T2's face was aglow, Kufa- whose voice towered above the rest as usual defeated the eerie silence that had begun enveloping the space. Visions of my house-my room- became tangible 'but talk they must talk'-antenna picked up trails of a half-answered question by Jenifa and Tallest was helping out. I quickly joined in a bid to get Tallest out of it and on to our journey home.
We caught our 'executive danfo' (company bus cum danfo by night) all the way to our bus stops. Home at last! Starting from the door i swung my feet and shot my shoes down the aisle, flung my bag into a basket by the door- on a second thought I picked it up to be later dumped on the bed, threw the loaf of Shoprite bread unto the kitchen counter, opened the louvers and flicked the switches, turned on the TV and finally opened the freezer ...I use the frost level to determine how long NEPA's been nice!
I finally settled to a meal of toast and eggs hugging my coffee mug opposite a DVD show of 'Desperate Housewives' at 12.47am. Hopefully, no midnight calls...