Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Move Aboki...! Get off the road!!!

Its about time the authorities review the laws, regulations and what have you guiding road and transport users.They should consider banning a particular 'Aboki'-termed class of people cos their resent influx into the roads especially the okada business is a serious cause for concern.
Standing next to an Okada, i beckoned on its rider some distance away;
"You dey go"?
The aboki looked up and then down again, returning to his present distraction of sorting groundnuts from its shell- the dry, sand-roasted, teeth enamel-grazing type.Abokis have a liking to the crude things of life. Still standing;
"You no dey go..."?
Concluding that groundnuts cracking and peeling was more profitting(to his belly) than money making, i started walking away.
"Madam, where..."? the aboki hailed, dusting his palms and still not looking at me.
"Madam where i dey go"?
I turned around unable to ignore the idiosyncratic speech of the aboki. Clapping his palms in a bid to dust them off and finally shining them off on his trousers, he approached. At a loss on how to react, i gave in;
"Et'al Hall".
"Etoho"? he mumbled.
"E-t-a-l H-a-l-l-l-l".
"Efanol"?he mumbled again
"For Oando filling station,et'al no know am"?
Pointing in no direction in partcular,
"For this side kwo, na estate..."?
"Which know the place"?
"Oya make we go"! and he started his okada.
"You no know the place, where you know sey you wan go"?
'Ehh, no be for this corner"?
Before i could reply, he had turned to his colleague and after a mumbo-jumbo session, he got his colleague more confused than himself.
Irritated, i hissed and continued my walk,
'Madam! we no go again"?
With a stare that could send the freshly masticated groundnuts back up his throat i looked at him then turned away.
For goodness sake the aboki didn't have the semantic and phonetic abilities to understand english more or less interprete the destination. Similarly, i've boarded numerous okadas of 'ignoramus' abokis i virtually had to keep reading the road to him like he was a horse. Another scary thing about them is their dumb, reckless driving...they are total wrecks in fore-seeing raod/traffic situations especially when crazy danfo drivers are in existence! An aboki will allow you board his bike on the curb and then stupidly back into the lane of an approaching BRT! He'll see a puddle but since his feet/leg is already a mess of caked mud, grasses and all, he cares less 'bout anybody's feet/legs. An aboki will approach a hold-up and gladly queue behind a Lagos Lawma refuse trailer rather than the Ford Explorer by his right!...maybe he feels at home closer to the trailer.Their mumuness plenty full tomato basket.
Following the 'Eternal life' attitude every okada rider in Lagos has, the aboki's attitude is full-blown and dumb. Other riders are somewhat conscious of they/their babies getting scratched or accidents and use their bikes as street disk jockies- disturbing the environs with horrible local choices of Pasuma,Kwam 1,Obesere, P-Square,etc; abokis are indifferent to their bikes or body.My last experience with one put a lid on it. The aboki displayed big time...
Against sitting in a bus sardined between two people in a humid bus exchanging humid respiratory elements, i decided to bike to Oceanic Bank along Lekki-Epe express way.Attempts at gaining the attention of one of the seeveral aboki okada riders failed as usual. I gave in to stopping one from the express. Carried away with my phone while on the bike, i realised we had passed the bank and bursted out,
"Stop!Stop! Abeg stop jo...You no dey look? See the Oceanic dey your back. Argh argh! Abeg turn, i no fit waka"!
And then hell was let loose...
"Come down right now! Come down"! Who you think sey you dey talk to eh? Na wich mumu you put for here? Oya get am down i kill you here now"!
EH!!! In mili-seconds, i was off the bike but he went on and on...
"You think sey na your money go make me rich? Who you be? Even if you be Yar' Adua pikin...look...note my face...yes...look am well well. Never you call my okada again for your life. You think sey na because you call bank i go dey worship you because you get money? Talk any rubbish now make i kill you, nobody fit do anytin...."!
I kept mute knowing i had my own mushin + Abulegba + Oshodi madness which i neither wanted to display while wearing a suit on the express way nor contend with a dagger-happy aboki! After 35 minutes, i calmly walked away. At this point i swore to keep away from any coal-complexioned, dusty eye-lashed, discoloured-haired aboki okada rider. At desperate times when all decent and clean okada riders can't be found, i'll keep to my red-eyed, ogogoro-smelling,konga-blasting typical lagos okada rider...
Just this morning, i witnessed an okada accident at Ozumba Mbadiwe... the DEAD TWISTED CORPSE- the okada rider was an aboki.
Why wouldn't they just stick to their shoe-making and water-fetching professions eh...why?